By Steve Hall
Have you ever noticed people with an air of confidence about them? I’m not talking about arrogance or superiority here, I mean the sort of quiet confidence, where they seem calm, friendly, unworried, they smile easily and if they get paid a compliment, they don’t blush, they simply say thank you and smile even more? Well I have, the people that first come to my mind are exceptional public speakers and I remember watching them as they spoke and I was in awe of them being able to be like that, because I know only too well what happened to me in the early days if I had to stand up in front of a group of people, I would blush, I imagine I would’ve looked very much like a beetroot as I stood there, and as I glowed red and my voice and hands trembled I noticed all these things happening to me and that made all of those things even worse and then my voice would become croaky and I’d get out of breath. My mind being firmly in the Fight and Flight mode I wasn’t able to recall all my content so luckily, I had my notes, but as I tried to glance down at them my hands were trembling so much I couldn’t see the words. Good gravy what a contrast that was to where I am now.
So how do these amazingly entertaining nice to listen to and watch people like the public speakers I talked of manage to become like that? I used to think things like, they’ve always been able to do that, they were most likely born that way and haven’t had to deal with all the things I’ve had too. They were probably quite privileged and had it easy their whole life and I’d go on and on justifying my inability to be anything like them, in actual fact what I was doing was confirming my own belief about myself that I couldn’t do that so In would never have to.
If this is anything like you and you’re in need of having more confidence, what do you think having more confidence would do for you that you can’t currently do I wonder, I mean have you ever really wondered how your life would be if you did?
Lets see how it could be then, we’ll begin by looking at what Low Self Confidence or Self Esteem can look like…..
- lack of confidence causes us to be uncertain
- Uncertainty means we fear bad things can happen in the absence of control.
- Our brain spends more time in Fight or Flight mode resulting in cortisol build up
- Cortisol build up can cause high blood pressure, mood changes, irritability or make us feel low and can lead to other health problems too
- Uncertainty causes insecurity
- Insecurity leads to Fear
- Fear of failure
- Inability to take action, often referred to as procrastination
- Unlikely to achieve our dreams
- Affects our relationships, often settling for partners equal to the level of self-confidence/esteem one has in themself.
- Easily persuaded to follow other peoples ideas and desires.
- Very defensive because we fear people discovering we don’t know something or that we are an imposter and have no idea.
And now lets have a look at what a higher sense of self confidence or self-esteem gives us
- More certainty
- More trust and security from knowing and believing in our own capabilities and self.
- We laugh more as well as being confident to express our opinions and show our emotions.
- Our health and wellbeing can improve.
- We undertake more challenges and projects because we no longer need to try to be perfect and we don’t fear failure so something not working the first time no longer defines us.
- Other peoples opinions of us don’t wound us to our core anymore.
- We experience less fear
- Achieve more
- Pursue our own dreams.
- Attract worthier relationships
- We feel capable
I think this leaves little doubt at all that having core confidence can transform our lives and that’s great to know, but how does a person get it?
Well here’s the good news, it’s not hard, it doesn’t even take that long to do, and its available to anyone.
I call it core confidence because it’s about learning who we are and understanding our beliefs which hold us back and prefer us to keep behaving in ways that are predictable to us even though they hold us back, because hidden belief systems try not to be challenged. Once we notice and understand our own strategies we can change them and build new ones. Isn’t that good to know? I really love it actually, it lights me up a lot.
I won’t disclose the program here because frankly it needs more than a blog to fully explain, but I can say that learning core confidence is actually a fun process as people start discovering things about themselves they admire but never knew were in them. Their demeanour changes, their posture, the way they express themselves and their ability to listen. Its amazing when other people close to them notice and comment too, this positive feedback just makes their new found level of confidence glow. I love being able to offer this to people, when I can impact peoples lives like this it gives my life purpose.